


A Frozen Heart Burns Through

by DesertThorns



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Domestic Fluff, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Moving In Together, Mutual Pining, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 01:56:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9360431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertThorns/pseuds/DesertThorns
Summary: Summary: Viktor and Yuuri are now living in Russia and continue their skating careers together. The infamous Viktor has returned to the ice competitively with Yuuri as his partner. Everything seems to be going well until Yuuri’s old skating friend Nicholas returns to compete. Maybe even the GREAT Viktor can feel insecure too.AN: Hey guys, I saw a lot of requests for a jelly Viktor fic, well, here is the start!





	1. The Monster

Chapter 1:  
The Monster

The cool breeze licked with a chilly tongue as it slithered through Yuuri’s exposed ear. The Japanese skater shivered with a small sound of protest as he felt the cold start to nip and tug at his now rosy ears. Uh oh, were they starting to become numb? Even as a skater who was pretty comfortable with the cold, he found that the Russian weather was still colder than what he was used to in Japan or even Detroit. 

He would have to pull his hat down more when he had the chance. Right now those hands were busy fumbling with a heavy box he was currently lifting right into Viktor’s flat from outside. He gripped firmly at the bottom of the brown FedEx package and hoisted it up the stairs in small and focused breaths. Just a few more steps and he’d be... _there_.

Yes, the legendary Viktor Nikiforov’s home. His idol, his coach... his _fi-_. Just the thought alone had distracted Yuuri as he felt the cold melt away from his face in seconds. His heartbeat bloomed with a brightness that quickened in his chest. He doubted this warmth was from exhaustion. 

He knew exactly what it was. 

Yuuri was treasured. 

He was needed. 

Viktor had made that point loud and clear at the Grand Prix Final, where Viktor soothed his anxieties with proof of affection. After that precious evening, things had gotten better. 

They were equals in every sense of the word. Yuuri felt his anxiety had for the most part, quieted. He did not know for how much longer that demonic and ethereal monster would be hidden... but for now it seemed satisfied with chewing on the juicy meal of being necessary and useful. 

The creature was still there; under layers of security and promised words, but even then it wouldn’t die. 

Yuuri didn’t think it ever would.

Luckily for him, the monster was starting to become obese and lazy. It fumbled around like an overfed and privileged house cat. But, that was only because of the attention and care Viktor ALWAYS gave Yuuri unconditionally. Every time the shadowy monster slunk out of those warm sheets of security; Viktor was always there to put it back to bed.

Early in Yuuri’s skating career the monster was fit, ruthless and borderline abusive. It consumed Yuuri’s soft, deafening heart piece by piece. The voracious shadow would greedily suckle his veins dry and lick its crimson lips looking for more. His heart wasn’t enough to satisfy it.

The creature seemed like a bottomless pit back then: more, more, more! What else could it eat? What else could it take from Yuuri? Confidence? Self-worth? No, it had already eaten that... what more could it rob from innocent Yuuri?

Famished, it constantly whispered doubt and idiocy to get the withering food it wanted. The bright promise of a fresh fruit wasn’t worth Yuuri’s touch. Yuuri started to believe it.

The silent shadow had broken him; its clutches now sewn into his chest like it was a living part of him.

A parasite, and like a parasite It had eaten all it could take, and had grown stronger because of it. Some days it was so bad that Yuuri could feel those sharp and venomous claws wrap around his pale neck physically. Yuuri was suffocating. It poisoned everything he did and made him exhausted daily. 

The poisonous suspicion of himself had sunk into his bloodstream like a cancer. 

Yuuri was dying internally. 

No one could hear him cry and that was because Yuuri never let any of them see it. He at least had some pride left. He would not be weak in front of them – he would not be a burden. 

Yuuri was ashamed of the bond him and the monster shared. Anxiety was a terrible thing. 

Luckily, that all changed when Viktor entered his life. Really entered his life- naked and in the baths to be more specific. He was a breath of fresh air. Viktor was hope. Viktor was inspiration. 

The living legend was always there for Yuuri no matter what. He proved it over, and over again. Viktor and Yuuri worked through his fears. It was something Yuuri would never forget. He’d forever value such a precious gift. That permanent bond that Yuuri and Viktor had established had somehow domesticated a vicious mental monster. 

Unfortunately... At the Grand Prix Final, Yuuri’s anxiety had come to play and although heavy with positive reinforcement, it seemed to be more powerful, especially when he had something to lose. 

Viktor.

Yuuri told himself over and over again that Viktor would leave him one day; that everything after the Grand Prix Final would come to an end. Yuuri felt like he was living in a fairy tale and when the words ‘happily ever after’ was read... the book would close.  
That would be it. That was the end. Done.

Viktor had never talked to him of the future. It was always an ‘in the moment’ situation. Which, rationally and logically made sense because of their tight deadlines and busy schedules. Most people didn’t have time to stress about their relationships. They were too busy focusing on the ‘now’ and the ‘next competition’. 

Of course Viktor never had any intention of leaving Yuuri and was willing to sacrifice his career as a competitive skater and legend – but those words were never said. They had to be shown. Which thankfully were, but not at the time. Not until Yuuri broke Viktor’s heart before the finale.

God, he was beautiful. The way long ashen lashes dripped with heavy and glinting pearls. Even crying Viktor was breathtaking.  
Why was Yuuri so dumb?

With anxiety that is always the case. If there is a blank space that needs to be filled an anxious mind will fill it. Yuuri’s mind stuffed the blank with black, messy ink. 

Then the damage starts. ‘What ifs’ come up like bile; doubts start to fester like a plague and by this point, those obscure ideas in his head have time to cook even though he’s so busy physically. Those unspoken words would eat at him over and over and cause him to break under the pressure.

Of course the demon didn’t mind. It fed on the cynical energy and was cheerful. It swallowed his rationality whole and left him with uncertainty.

What was the result? Well, Yuuri had constructed a shield around his heart. He told himself that this was a onetime thing. His heart was already so fragile. He couldn’t handle being brought up so high and then dropped. He’d shatter into a million beautiful pieces of ice. Not only that, but it was out of affection he had said what he did.

‘Let’s end this.’ 

Yuuri didn’t mean to sound self-centred, but his fears and his love for Viktor were just too imposing on his emotional state. He had seen Viktor’s own desires that day, after he had failed his Eros program. 

Yuuri watched Victor yearn for the ice – burn for the competition. Admire others. 

He loved Viktor. How could he take him away from the one thing he loved the most? 

The ice.

If it pained Yuuri so much to lose Viktor, then losing the ice could be relatable. He couldn’t do that to the man he worshipped. He might have used that initial idea to skate Eros, but in reality... if you love it, let it go.

Yuuri couldn’t replace twenty years of practice and fame. Yuuri couldn’t do such a terrible thing, so he decided to ‘free’ his idol from his side. That is why he said what he did, and contradictory to Viktor’s words of him ‘being selfish’. He really wasn’t. Not in his eyes. From the bottom of his heart, he wanted Viktor to skate again. 

As a skater himself. Yuuri too could relate to the magnetism and attraction the ice had. The beautiful scape of flat and frozen glass just called to him – begged him to skate over the smooth surface and dance his worries away.

Viktor of course was not pleased with Yuuri’s answer... because he was willing to throw away all he worked for... to be with the one he loved. He could enjoy the ice rink through Yuuri’s success, and in all purity Viktor was okay with that. 

Viktor loved him more than the ice.

How could Yuuri be so dumb? 

But, Viktor didn’t have a demon inside of him, he just assumed Yuuri and himself would be together forever! Which, luckily seemed to be the case now... Katsuki Yuuri was moving into Viktor’s apartment. 

Holy shit.

If anyone had told Yuuri that in a few years he’d someday move in with his hero/idol/living legend he’d probably would have died on the spot. His heart would have exploded with embarrassment and he’d deny such a lovely fantasy. He wasn’t worth the attention of such a super star!

Yet, here he was, holding a box of HIS things to be placed inside Viktor’s living space. 

Again.

Holy shit.

Yuuri’s thoughts were constantly moving and suddenly his nerves bubbled in his stomach. This was real. REALLY REAL. That fragile heart fluttered in his chest and he felt the burn of a blush creep to his face. At that moment, Viktor himself opened the door.  
Gorgeous, azure eyes sparkled the moment they caught Yuuri in their glistening gaze. 

“Yuuri! Let me take that one.” Happily, and blissfully Viktor grabbed the enlarged box from Yuuri with little effort. Viktor was always perfect. The skating legend pushed his foot into the bottom of the door and shoved it so that he could maneuver himself and the large box inside.

“Ah, then let me at least hold the door.” Yuuri stated quickly, he didn’t even notice a weight had been lifted out of his arms. He followed closely behind and assisted Viktor by pushing the heavy door out of his hero’s way.

Well, that was the last one. Lucky Yuuri had moved around a lot during his skating career and learned to pack light, but it was still surreal to see all of his boxes piled up in the corner waiting to be placed around Viktor’s home.

Yuuri’s milk chocolate eyes roamed over Viktor’s things, he was still taking this all in. He couldn’t believe he was going to live here. As a fan, he noticed some of Viktor’s things he had seen before in a magazine, photoshoot or an interview with Viktor. 

Holy shit.

The flat was modern as he imagined and tidy aside from the boxes the two of them just piled in the corner.  
Eyes finally fell on the one who made this all happen. The man who was silently observing him as he was looking around the apartment.

Awkward.

Immediately Yuuri’s heart sped up and he felt that familiar flush bless his cheeks with rosy kisses. He didn’t know what he should do with himself, what now? What should they do? Yuuri wasn’t really familiar with Russia. His brow sloped as he left himself in thought. He supposed they could start unpacking, but wasn’t it rude to move his things around a home he was unfamiliar with? 

Oh god. 

There was so much to do!

“Yuuri.”

Those smooth vocals both calmed and sent shivers down his spine. Yuuri looked up and was dragged into the cerulean depths of Viktor’s stunning eyes. Viktor walked closer to Yuuri, and smiled almost shyly. He started to pull Yuuri’s hat off, so that those inky strands carded over his wandering fingers. Viktor took the opportunity to stroke those loose hairs behind Yuuri’s ear. It was so soft and felt like velvet between his long fingers.

He caught Yuuri flushing under his smouldering gaze, but he never looked away. He would forever be entranced by Viktor Nikiforov. 

“Welcome home.” Viktor whispered, and placed his lips on Yuuri’s now warm forehead, his hands still placed on Yuuri’s head. Yuuri’s heart did explode. It hammered so quickly and bled liquid love all through his veins. It sent that monster so far down, he couldn’t even feel it anymore. Eyes widened for only a moment, he could feel the prick of tears starting to collect behind his eyes.  
The person he loved most in the world needed him. 

Loved him. 

The warmth of Viktor’s presence made him so happy. He wrapped his arms tightly and quickly around Viktor’s middle who stumbled closer to him and encircled his precious katsudon. 

“Yes. I am home.”


	2. The Warmth

Viktor’s embrace always made Yuuri feel secure. Those strong and safe arms cradled him with purpose. Yuuri didn’t know how long Viktor would hold him for, but he knew Viktor didn’t mind – neither of them did. In their momentary peace, the two of them stood in the middle of the living room enjoying the slowed pace of time. 

Their embrace spoke words to each other that their mouths didn’t have to: sanctuary, assurance, respect, need. 

Warm and caring arms often recharged Yuuri’s mind and put him in a better place. There wasn’t a hug yet that hadn’t served its purpose. Viktor’s touch healed his many doubts and calmed his crippling anxiety.

As long as they were together Yuuri was sure he could conquer anything. Everything they had been through had really strengthened the two of them and what a feeling that was!   
This new found weapon of love was not something anyone could wield. This sword took training, careful precision and a few battles for endurance purposes. 

Love.

It was the most powerful weapon he had against his personal unease, and the sword he held was strong enough to slay anything. Yuuri felt agile and so alive! He could feel its energy flow through himself.

As long as Viktor was beside him, he could do anything. 

He could be anything.

He could win them a gold medal.

Love. It was something he didn’t know much about at first, but through experimentation with Viktor – he had emerged more enlightened than ever.  
It was the mask of love he wore out on the ice – for Viktor and him alone. Yuuri had learned to be proud, beautiful and well, maybe even a tad sexy. Of course, without a strong mask on, he didn’t ever think he could admit that confession out loud. He was far too modest. But, what really amazed him was that Viktor had seen all of these things when no one else had.

Slowly, Viktor slunk from the embrace and smiled at Yuuri. Viktor’s hands had rested themselves on his shoulders.

“I am really happy you decided to move in with me...” The words were spoken softly. If there had been any other noise in the flat at all, he didn’t think he would have caught them. Viktor’s voice was as gentle as a butterfly wing and like those wings of silk, he watched the long lashes lower in thought.   
That was something Viktor usually did when they were choreographing or if he was deep in thought. Had he done something wrong? Yuuri took a closer look into those gem-like eyes and in the silence tried to analyze that look. Oh? Was he confused? No...no! That wasn’t it.

He looked almost... vulnerable. 

Um, okay. Yeah right.

You’re totally seeing things!

This was Viktor Nikiforov after all. But, in response, Yuuri’s heart opened their doors.

“...I wanted to be here.” Yuuri murmured and looked intensely into Viktor’s eyes. He smiled back for reassurance. He really meant it. If anyone was shy it was Yuuri, he was definitely starting to feel the nerves begin in his lower stomach.

When his heart started to pick up in his chest. Yuuri remembered just WHERE he was. He could feel the needles of excitement tingle up his spine. This whole thing was unreal. Was it real? Of course it was! 

God. He had more confidence than that!

Here he was, standing in Viktor’s home! 

Holy shit! X 3.

“Great!” and, like that Viktor’s voice had become normalized, glazed with happiness. “Shall we unpack some of your items, or-”

A grotesque snarl coiled from Yuuri’s stomach. 

Unlike Viktor, with his butterfly voice and honeydew laughter. Yuuri had to be born a clumsy and yet an adorable little piggy.  
Makkachin had heard the commotion of his master’s laugh and bounded over by the couple’s feet; excited that everyone else was. He let out a bark and wagged his tail. 

Notice me too! 

Viktor continued to chuckle freely as Yuuri held his stomach absolutely appalled! Viktor and Yuuri were comfortable around one another but Yuuri couldn’t help feeling embarrassed with certain things around anyone – even Viktor. It was just who he was, and it was his personal charm.

“Hhheeeeh? Don’t laughhhh Viktor...” He whined, but ended up laughing too. He couldn’t help it. Viktor made him so happy, his presence was infectious and his beauty was captivating. As Yuuri laughed, he watched Viktor’s smile spread across his pale features. He listened to the sound of their happiness spread through the flat like liquid gold. Makkachin started to rub his face on Viktor’s pants. 

NOTICE ME YET? 

Finally the two of them started to settle.

“Alright, alright my little katsudon~!” He sang-song with a smirk on those pert lips. “How about we get something to eat, yes?” Finally, Viktor dropped down and stroked his best dog friend, who was more than happy to be noticed after what seemed like eternity.

Yuuri nodded excitedly. A hot meal was starting to sound really good; especially one he could share in perfect company with.

The pressure that had started to pile like needles in his skin washed off him immediately. He felt incredibly safe and relaxed with Viktor. He kind of felt dumb overthinking anything else. 

He should know better. 

With everything settled, the two of them got changed and ready for their first outing.

\--

As usual Viktor was surrounded by people. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that Viktor was even more famous in his own hometown. The second they had entered the nice looking restaurant, fans had started their ritual. Yuuri politely waited at the side as Viktor signed autographs and posed for photos. Yuuri watched that signature and dazzling smile widen for each and every person.   
Everyone was right. Viktor was really kind to his fans. He gave them all the time of day even though it might impede his own plans. But, that was something Yuuri really admired about Viktor. He had space in his heart for everyone.

Once the people inside the restaurant had gotten their fill of Viktor, it looked like they were ready to be seated. The owner of the store graciously allowed Viktor a seat in the back which looked like it might have been reserved for someone else... hm. 

Viktor and the owner seemed to know each other, so maybe it would be alright. Yuuri politely bowed his head in thanks to the man after they had finished talking in Russian; who then looked at him obviously confused about something. 

He was pretty sure the owner was still staring at him even as the waiter seated them. Maybe Yuuri was just overthinking things. Viktor didn’t seem to mind. He took the menu and started looking it over, where Yuuri was busy looking at all the people looking at them.

Uh...

He expected to get more attention than usual but, this was awkward. He could have sworn everyone was whispering about the two of them.

Yuuri nervously chewed his bottom lip and decided to pick up a menu and at least pretend to read Russian. Viktor; as keen as he was seemed to pick up on Yuuri’s discomfort.

“Is something wrong Yuuri?” Viktor mentioned quietly over the menu, his eyes holding obvious concern.

“Eh, no, no. I uh, just think everyone is staring at us?” Great. He should have just said: No. But Yuuri’s heart was too honest for his own good.

His idol took the chance to look up and around the neatly decorated restaurant. “Did you want to leave?” 

“No. It’s okay. Sorry, I am just not used to it yet.” Yuuri’s voice was soft, he really needed to work on his confidence a little more. He was a silver medalist! He was a dime-a-dozen skater! Yeah! He repeated it over and over in his head just to calm himself down. 

“Alright... I’ll order for us.”

\--

“Yuuuuri CARRY ME. I am so full.” Viktor whined as they had made it to the front of their apartment building.   
‘...and drunk’ Yuuri had thought. He felt the sudden weight of Viktor’s body flop on his back. Viktor made it very clear he wasn’t going to walk another second. Yuuri knew this, because he had handled a drunk Viktor a few times before.

“Viktor NO, you’re so heavy.” Yuuri tried with a protest and started dragging his idol through the chilly night. Oh my god, they only had ten feet to walk, but it was going to take forever!

“Mean.” Viktor grumbled and pouted; or so Yuuri assumed he did.

What? Didn’t Viktor call him fat last year?

“How am I mean!?”   
\--  
With a lot of effort, stumbling and words – Viktor and Yuuri had made it to the front door! Finally! Oh lord, thank you. Unfortunately, Yuuri had to drag his lovely hero all the way up the staircase... which had been interesting and then again through the hallway, which had been a lengthy struggle.

Viktor had claimed if Yuuri could lift him in a pair skate then he should be able to carry him to the door... which he guessed was a valid point. But, still!

After all the tugging and pulling, the glorious front door was not more than a foot away! Halleluiah! 

Poor little Yuuri was more than exhausted now. Not only had they moved all Yuuri’s things inside earlier, but he had just finished dragging a drunk Viktor around. Yuuri was suddenly very thankful they spent the first few days in a hotel near the airport. It really made a difference.

Now to-

Yuuri’s breath suddenly hitched.

Oh my god.

Viktor had started nuzzling his nose into Yuuri’s neck with small mumbles. It caused Yuuri to shiver in immediate desire and horror.

“VIIK-tor!” 

Yep. Yuuri had squeaked. 

Viktor chuckled and watched Yuuri from his hooded eyes. Yuuri’s blush was adorable, even from this angle in front him... Viktor was enchanted, he just smelt so good...and so delicious.  
How far should he push his adorable little katsudon? Viktor lifted himself up and tightened his grip on Yuuri from behind, melding their bodies close so that his hips were placed RIGHT on Yuuri’s ass. It caused Yuuri to gasp.

Fuck, he was cute.

Intentionally, Viktor decided to push the line a little further and sighed hotly into Yuuri’s rosy ears. He felt his Yuuri stiffen at the action and it made him starved for more.

“The keys are in my pocket, can you get them?” 

If Yuuri could die of embarrassment, he would have. The heat slithered through his veins and caused his heart to drum loudly. Okay, he could do this! Yuuri swallowed and calmly attempted to shift the position.

With a struggle, he maneuvered himself so that he was facing Viktor – who was still leaning on him. Yuuri didn’t notice the way Viktor’s eyes hungrily examined the situation. Under those long lashes   
Viktor’s cerulean eyes were glazed. Yuuri was too focused on looking down and holding Viktor still. “Which pocket is it?”

God, even innocent, blushing Yuuri was seductive. How did he not see it? How did Yuuri not know how attractive he was? It was borderline annoying but also sweet. Katuski Yuuri was perfect. The way he fumbled and looked around; flushing deeply.

Cute.

“Left.” Viktor purred. 

Yuuri tried to ignore how gorgeous Viktor’s voice was and how hot it had sounded in his eardrum. He was just drunk. They should get inside soon and-

“Aahg, VIKTOR.” 

Viktor had ‘slipped’ and slammed Yuuri into the doorframe. Azure eyes glinted down at his FIT little piglet, who he had framed between his long legs.

Yuuri’s glasses had slipped down the bridge of his nose on collision, and when he looked up to fix it – it was then he saw it.

The molten desire in Viktor’s eyes.

Holy shit. x4

Yuuri’s eyes widened in recognition. His heart throbbed in his throat. Yuuri wasn’t stupid, he knew Viktor well enough to read him. Besides, Yuuri had mastered that look! He had not only used the look, but FELT the same way during his Eros program. 

He was the seductress coaxing Viktor... but when did it turn the other way? 

When did Viktor start looking at _him_ like that? He didn’t think it was possible. How was he worthy of him? As much as he was in denial, he couldn’t look away. Viktor’s eyes were dripping with smouldering attraction and Yuuri couldn’t breathe.

He loved the way Viktor’s eyes glistened under pale light, the way his lips parted as he breathed... and the way a soft blush dusted his angelic features.  
There was a silence in the hallway. But, not to Yuuri, OH NO. He could hear his blood boil and feel it burn every inch of his skin. Viktor’s arm had rested above Yuuri’s head. He also noted that Viktor’s hips were resting comfortably on his own.

Yuuri couldn’t help the honest shiver that took over his body and the soft sigh that escaped his throat.

He couldn’t even help the heat from traveling to his groin. Oh god. No.

Nope!

Quickly, Yuuri panicked and slipped his hand in the left pocket of Viktor’s tight pants. He felt the cool metal on his heated flesh and pulled it out. Shakily he managed to turn around; with Viktor’s body on his own, and somehow opened the door allowing the two of them to slip inside. 

Viktor stood up and started walking on his own, somehow fine!? 

Yuuri needed a moment, he couldn’t breathe through all the heat. He brought a hand up to his chest and tried to calm his heart down.

Stop! Viktor had kissed him before, he had held him before and he had cuddled him... but that was the extent of it. Yuuri didn’t know why they hadn’t ‘moved’ further... maybe it was because he was still insecure? 

He’d like to think so – it was less painful then thinking Viktor didn’t want him... but that thought should be put away! Viktor pretty much just showed him how he felt... or was he misreading the situation?  
Yuuri put his hands through his hair and gripped tightly. Oh god, his brain, his heart... it hurt. Thoughts and doubts festered faster than he could stop. The fires started to awaken his anxiety and that monster started to whisper.

“Yuuri, shhhh...” 

Huh? He hadn’t said anything... but he was just standing there in the living room, having a mental panic attack.

Oh. 

Yeah he supposed that did look odd...

Viktor walked over to him, and pulled him tightly into a hug. It was warm, confident and quiet. The room was dark, but it felt safer now. “Shh. I am sorry, let’s go to sleep, okay?”  
Sorry? What for? But, Yuuri was suddenly too tired to ask.

Yuuri nodded and melted into the comforting arms of his idol. Makkachin had padded out of his doggy bed and panted happily; he was more than satisfied with having his family back home.   
Tomorrow was another day... maybe they could talk later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here is Chapter 2! Lemme know what you think. I am working on the next part - I am sorry if it seems slow.. but I am building a plot, I am expecting this fic to be long. Haha. Leave me a kudos or a review! I love the inspiration <3 Thanks for everyone who did message me.
> 
> PS Excuse errors. I don't have a beta ):

**Author's Note:**

> I am finishing up the second chapter - I really wanted portray anxiety and fears Yuuri might have had or felt since I feel it's important. Let me know what you think! Thanks.


End file.
